Quotes I heard while feeling 22

– “Sometimes I’ll be walking around in the grocery store and then I hear THAT ring tone… it makes my heart beat really fast. I feel like I will forever be the CF on duty”
– “If you wink at me again, I’m going to make you sleep outside”
– “I bet you’re wondering why I gave you a thank you card for your birthday”
– “Don’t snort the herbs, just let them waft”
– “I’m an hour early by your standards, but it’s your birthday somewhere in the world”
– “Did you know that today is national bundt day?”
– “You look like you hold muffins weird”
– “We all want to pitch in to buy you a pair of ass-less chaps”